Storytime.
So, my brother just got home from college for the summer, and some minor tensions have started to rise. You see, he is a very devout catholic, and seeks to worship the lord in every second of his being. I think that’s a very noble cause, but it does have the effect of segmenting yourself from other people in society. Like your family.
Now, it’s important to realize that when my brother sets his mind to something, he commits hardcore. He can be a little bit bull-headed, and in this case, it triggered a moment of deep frustration inside my mother.
While he was away from home, my mother found it the perfect opportunity to use his room as extra storage. My brother, living his life for christ, found this excess of clutter and stuff to be not at all within his accepted paramters, and kind of freaked out that this was happening. He demanded that everything be pulled out; the room stripped to the bone (it’s worth noting, including some of his possessions).
This is no easy feat. My mother, already extremely busy with work (childcare until 7pm most nights), scrambled to get it done. And it’s a multi-stage process—I mean, where do you put all the stuff? Discarding stuff is a great idea, but with sentimental items it takes emotional consideration. Getting this room clean was no easy feat, and my mother worked very hard to get it done.
But it wasn’t happening fast enough. And rather than give appreciation for the work done so far, he snapped at her, complaining that she hadn’t taken all the books out, throwing them all to the floor.
The next morning, I’d caught wind of the anxiety in the room. I went over1, and as mum gave me the downlow, he walks in. So the obvious thing to do is boil the water; bring it to the surface, deal with the issue directly, together.
The major issue that arose was that my brother wanted—no, needed—to know what his wrong was. He needed it cut-and-dry: clearly communicated, definitively laid out. But it’s a hard thing to do, especially when you’re already stressed out and at max capacity. So here’s what I told him:
It is your responsibility to figure out your wrongs. You are right to be careful not to make assumptions, and to get the right idea from the other person. But there is a lot of information you can glean by simply sitting, observing, and studying. Mum is not in a position to walk you through her struggles—shit needs to get done, it needs to get done now, and you need to give her that space to do it.
related: Sitting on the bench related: Mercury ☿ □ Venus ♀
Footnotes
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to help move books, I found out ↩